At 6:32am my alarm went off. Summer is officially over. Back to my early morning schedule of taking my morning walk and then doing a workout before my morning meetings. But this morning was different. As I was leaving the house, I heard shouts of "FIRST DAY OF SCHOOOL" echoing like Finding Nemo coming from my kids bedroom. Huge smiles and laughs came from our children as they prepared for their first day of school -- virtually. I virtually hugged my wife and mind spoke to her "Holy Shit. Here we go again!" Is this reality?
Alot has happened since the last time school started. For one, I shaved my beard. No more Kip. I cried for about 3 days. I still do every now and then. But my Wife seems to have an interest in me again. This will end when my uncut hair starts to be wrapped up in a man bun in the very near future.
Our school district will be doing full on virtual learning experiences (what i like to call it) at least until December (i think). There were moments where Teachers were the best thing since sliced bread to OMG how-can-a-Teacher-not-want-to-risk-getting-infected-with-an-unknown-disease-and-not-want-to-teach-our-children-they-suck-at-life attitude. Its fair to say that Teachers rule and the fact that my Children can possible infect them, or the other way around, should be grounds to decide to go all on virtual. So I get it. But man people lost their Shit on social media. Was kinda comical. Luckily we both work from home now in this new world and can swing it.... so far.
Here's a play by play on how our day went. Note: for the record I was only involved in classroom activities for maybe 30 minutes in total. Dont judge.
7am: I go for my morning walk like old people do. Because I am old and this is what we do, is what i remind myself during my 2.5 mile "hike". Note: I get ~300 move points on my Apple Watch. Yesss {Napoleon Dynamite style}
7:35: I arrive home. The kids are still so excited to be alive and love being our children. I mind speak to Rose "WTF is wrong with them?" She speaks back "God you are gorgeous"
8am: I eat my breakfast at the classroom table, or what used to be called the "dining room" table, with both kids sitting patiently at their computers waiting for their classes.... to begin at 8:40. And there they sat with smiles clicking shit they are not supposed to waiting and not understanding that class really does not start until 8:40.
8:30am: My wife has not had her coffee and it shows. Its going to be an interesting morning I think as there is already passive agressiveness shade being thrown all over the table and classroom. We put the light on. "You ok" I mindspeak. "Seriously why are you so dam handsome" is what it sounded like. I think she really said "go f yourself". I make her coffee and its like the Kool-aid man came running through our walls. Life is grand again. Everyone is soooo happy!!
8:40am: School starts. The Younger Child is able to connect and is sitting with her classroom. Her headphones dont work. Strike 1. The Older Child is lucky to have me as her helper to get her into her "virtual class". We have no luck. I swear I hear my Wife mumble in the distance "Are you NOT an IT guy!?" Umm.. i used to program years back but now I am a Project Manager, I mind yell back. Eyeroll. Strike 2
8:50am: The Older Child still cannot get into her classroom. Panic starts. Beads of sweat start to fill the air like COVID from a nearby sneeze. I start to do that thing where I whine about nothing working. I stop myself and say "hmmm. Not sure why we cant get in" very calmly and patient knowing dam well that my Wife will be able to figure this out and that bothers me slightly. The Wife immediately calls another Mom and 3 minutes later we are in. Strike 3 for good ol Danny.
8:55am: The Older Child's microphone does not work putting her in a bad mood until school is over. I get yelled at and thrown scowl looks everytime I try to help her with her microphone issue. March 2020 Danny would have screamed at her. I brush it off and smile and walk away. We are off to a good start. Strike 4
9am: My meetings start. I realize I am that guy telling coworkers about thiswonderful vacation we just took and now being judged and shamed for my vacation shenanigans. Quiet yells can be heard downstairs. Is the Wife already yelling? Nope. Just loud talking on the computer because now nobody's headphones seem to work. FML
10:22: "Hello. Can you hear me? Are you there?" I panic yell into a quiet headset to a room full of people who apparently cant hear me. 4 computers streaming at once makes our Internet a dull boy. I start to already rehearse the argument I am going to have with Optimum about lowering my bill while giving me more bandwidth. Luckily there are no more issues. Either that or everyone ignored me as I was trying to speak to them in the meeting.
Noon: Lunchtime. The Kids seem to be happy. Fights immediately start along with yelling. We are back to March 2020 - the good ol days.
12:35: The Kids decide to go outside and exercise -- something new they have been doing which is amazing. The Younger Child has a full on meltdown because the Older Child "stole" her sports bra. Yes. Her sports bra. I need a son -- and a vacation again. And a beer.
1pm: School starts back up as the Younger one just finishes her 25 min crying session. The next hour is not a virutal session but a lesson which requires them to read. The Wife jumps in and helps. I sit upstairs on a meeting waiting to hear screams. They never come. I smile and mind speak to my Wife downstairs "You got time to visit the Teachers Lounge" No response. Hmm. I blame the internet.
2pm: School is done. Both kids seem happy. Life is great. That is until they try to watch TV and we say no. Not until 330. Living in this house becomes a drag again and Mom and Dad suck.
330pm: The TV goes on and everyone is happy. Until I hear the Tick Tock Toy family on YouTube streaming from our TV. :-( showing off their beach house because that is real life.
Its going to be a fun year. Godspeed
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