"Daddy? If a Cocker Spaniel and a Poodle had a baby, do you know what it would be called?" asks my Older Child out of nowhere during School last week.
"A Cockapoo" I answer without hestitating, giggling in my mind. Cock A Poo. (I giggle as I type)
The older Child quickly says "A Cockapoo? Is that for real?"
As the super-smart-Dad I am, or supposed to be, I say "Of course. Its a real thing. There are different dogs by whats called breedinn..." I immediately stop talking.
OMG. Is this "the talk"? Am I supposed to now explain how dogs "do it" and make babies. Until now, my Wife and I still believe that our Children think that God just automatically makes a Woman pregnant after she is with her Husband for a long time. Sigh. A million questions and thoughts start to fill my head.
Why is she asking this? Did she Google something? OMG.. Is she going to go on Google to find out how a Cocker Spaniel and Poodle can make a Cockapoo. HOLY SHIT. What if Google sends her down the dirty path and instead of learning about dog breeding, she learns what the first part of CockaPoo is! What if she combines Cock and a Poo and visits some dark web shit with dirty people doing dirty stuff to each other.
I quickly change the subject. "Hey, that's pretty cool what you drew there.". I point over to her art book trying very quickly to change the subject. She bites and shows me her work. I think this is over until...
... later that night we are watching something on Disney +. I think its appropriate until one of the teenagers says something about sex. Immediately, the older Child asked me what a word means. It was not sex. A million questions and thoughts start to fill my head.
Why is she not asking what sex is? Does she know what it means? Did she google Cocker Spaniel and instead learn what Mommy and Daddy do in the Teacher's Lounge. Does she now know what those strange noises that come out of Mommy and Daddy's room after midnight are? Did she tell her younger Sister????
I answer her question and quickly move on. "Hey, lets watch that animal show you guys like!". I say it like over-the-top excitingly prompting both Children to look at me like Dad has finally lost it. We put an animal show on and within 5 minutes a Momma dog is giving birth. Are you fking serious?!
I mind scream to my Wife!
"OMG. Do our Children know how babies are made?"
"They think that God put them there."
"Shit. They are on to us. Do they know what sex is??"
"I told them that sex means male or female."
"Is there even male or female in 2020!?" I joke prompting my blog to be shutdown (i think this as i type)
"God your handsome!"
That night, when I start to tell my daily kids bedtime story about how their Mom has dragon blood and slayed dragons when she was a little girl, I immediately get interuppted.
"Daaaaaddd. These stories are not true!"
"What?? Of course they are. Your mother is like a Ninja Dragon Slayer"
"No Daddy. You are lying. I googled it!"
I immediately sweat. She googled it???? A million questions and thoughts start to fill my mind.
What else has she googled? Did she Google me? Does she read this blog? Does she read about Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy? Does she know her Parents are really Russian spies? Did she Google what sex she is and how that applies to babies?
I change the subject and tell a story about the time my Mom's farts were purple allowing everyone in the World to see (Sorry Mom) They laughed until their bellies hurt. I am sure tomorrow the older Child will Google if farts can really be seen.
Thanks Google.
Godspeed
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